You’re married. You love your wife, she loves you. But do you have her heart?

Having her heart, in this particular way, is a deep, trans-conscious shift of trust, affection, and loyalty. It is the involuntary surrender of a woman’s being. This surrender, this shift, moves inside her, beyond both her reach and yours. You cannot directly reach for it, nor can she just choose to hand it to you. 

Much in a good marriage is the long slow work of banking trust and demonstrating commitment and faithfulness. But no less important is the more holistic engagement of her physiology. She has an array of hormonal and chemical neurotransmitters that, if lit up, will do their work for you. You can engage her in ways that mainline your attention straight to these deeper centers of receptivity. 

Like this:

Open to her

Women exist in internal worlds. They are at ease with feelings, intuitions, experiences. They are moved by circular energy patterns, by reciprocal movements of hearts and bodies. Women understand how to share themselves with another and this is what they desire from you. Sit close to her. Hold her, connect to her bodily, through touch. Tell her what you felt today. Tell her what caused you shame or anger or longing. Tell stories about things inside you. Ask her why you do this or that. The things you think will make her not love you‑‑share them. Her breath will bate. Her eyes will go soft. She will move closer. Open and share to your woman and she is yours.

Handle her

When she flips out and has that animal look out of the eyes–handle it! Do not leave her. Do not back away. Do not shut down. She will flail, say mean things, tell you to go away. Stay close, stay centered and quiet. Show her you can handle her worst, that she can let it all out and you will be there, strong and un-moved.

Know her

Watch her. Figure her out. Get her number. To be known, for a woman, is to be loved. Know what colors she’ll choose, what drink she’ll have, what the two entrees are she’ll agonize over. 

Be present

Presence. You can do this. Every man can. If you are one-armed, four feet tall, and bankrupt, you can be present and she will love you. Presence is simply that: your complete presence close to her, not asking, not needing, just offering your strength and attention in a way that allows her complete freedom to be herself while close to you. It is when you sit across from her–not beside her–and you look at her, and you listen to her and your mind is calm and your energy is quiet and open to her. For unbroken, sustained, continuous long times.

Amy has told she doesn’t hardly even like to go out to eat with me, I’m so scattered and fidgety. My leg bounces, my eyes roam, my attention butterflies everywhere. I wolf at my food, check my phone, and then I’m ready to go, is she done? But this fall one evening, I took her to the new restaurant in town, the Brickhouse. I sat across from her, quietly. When my attention left, I circled it back to her. I looked at her with interest and visited and talked. I ate my steak slowly, I shared bites with her. When I was finally done eating, I just stayed, quiet and easy, with my attention and energy haloed around her. I was present. She glowed. Every man can offer presence. Every woman will love him for it.

Cook for her

I can’t and won’t cook but I did it once. I made her a salmon fillet. It was the best best fillet she ever had, she said, and I know it had little to do with the fish.

Become a master lover

Latent in a woman lays an almost infinite capacity for sensual pleasure. Discretion will not allow us much here, but if you desire your wife’s heart, the path is through her body. Take her there and she will crave you.

Do you have her heart? She’s waiting…